Mindfulness, if you are overwhelmed stop giving and start loving yourself first.

posted in: Being yourself, Uncategorized | 0
mindfulness psychotherapyThere is an often misinterpreted line “when we give love we receive”.
When we are giving from our deepest truth honoring and loving who we are first , then, when we give love really it does feel like receiving.
Unfortunately many of us feel we have to be giving to everyone and always being nice, even in situations when our body is clearly telling us we need to stop.So often in counselling or mindfulness classes I see clients who just need to listen to what their body is telling them. Symptoms such as overwhelmed or exhaustion are an opportunity, like all symptoms. The opportunity is to learn to stop doing whatever we are doing that is creating this feeling.We have to love ourselves first and honor what our body is feeling.
I have two phrases I use a lot with clients.
People pleasing; when we feel the need to do the right thing by everyone, saying yes to things we don’t want to do, going on committees, helping everyone even when our body is already exhausted.We do this generally because we want to be approved of in the world and because we think we should. Give it up now, it is not honoring your soul and nor is it helping anyone around you.Start really listening to your body and what feels wholesome for you, and be prepared to say no or to do things your way.It will take courage to do what you need to do even at risk of not being liked .However you will find that most people respect you.
People carrying; when we feel the need to fix or rescue anyone around us that is caught up in their problems.This will always make us feel very drained and it does not help the other person at all. It is actually not our role to solve other peoples problems or to fix their pain.Of course we can be compassionate but their problems are their opportunities to learn, their pain is their teacher. Really there is no such thing as a problem, everything is an opportunity to grow.Why would we want to take that chance away from people and exhaust ourselves in the process.
An example might be, if you have a friend or relative that likes to be in victim mode, complaining about everything and your body finds it draining to be around them. Listen to what your body is telling you and in a compassionate way be truthful to them.If they can hear it great, your relationship will be much better. If not, just accept this is their choice and it is OK to spend less time with them.Certainly it is not your responsibility to have to make them better that is their opportunity.
I probably spent 2-3 decades learning how to say no and how to stop giving before I could really give love from a place of truth.It has been delightful to discover that I do receive when I give from a place of presence that totally honors who I am first.
If you are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed stop giving, stop pleasing and stop carrying people. Learn to love yourself first always and to honor what your body is teaching you. Then you will be able to learn how to really love.
Giving love is actually about receiving. If you are not receiving in a particular situation or relationship then you have work to do. Take responsibility it is up to you. Have the courage to honor who you really are and learn how to love truly.
 
Much love
Trish