Vulnerability heals, defensiveness keeps us suffering

vulnerability instead of defensiveness

Vulnerability is the key to allowing consciousness to flow in our lives.Being true to our deepest self always involves opening up, the opposite of defending.
A chart comparing vulnerability to defensiveness could look something like this.
Defensiveness Vulnerability
Not wanting to acknowledge an aspect of our character that gently requires addressing. For example taking our emotions out on others. Preferring to lay blame elsewhere. Fully acknowledging our issues with loving acceptance and the willingness to move beyond them. Not laying blame elsewhere always taking full responsibility.
Not wanting to acknowledge mistakes or failures Willingly acknowledging when make mistakes. Greeting them with acceptance and as a learning opportunity
Not wanting to admit we don’t know something. Pretending we do know. Freely admitting what we don’t know. Embracing not knowing.
Not attempting something for fear of failure. Making small steps towards something we may like to do. Allowing and learning from failure along the way.Facing fear gently
Not reaching out to others with love or to be loved for fear of rejection. A willingness to reach out, loving and being loved even though rejection will at times be a part of that.
Always pretending we are OK or have it together. The willingness to be completely truthful with ourselves. Allow our fears, inadequacies or pain with loving acceptance.Being willing to ask for support.
Not acknowledging our human ache for love or acceptance. Willingness to freely acknowledge our ache for love and acceptance and to see how that influences our behavior in the world. Are we people pleasing and losing ourselves in the process? Acknowledging this with acceptance will help us move beyond it.
Defensiveness leads to increasing suffering and lack of love, vulnerability leads to love and peace.
While we are not acknowledging our vulnerable emotions we will remain controlled by them and therefore continue to suffer. Once we can regularly acknowledge and lovingly accept our challenging emotions, they will no longer influence our behavior.Many clients I see for psychotherapy are caught in a pattern of defensiveness that is only hurting them and those around them.Be kind towards your defensiveness but aim to see it truly. Gently aim to let it go, allowing your vulnerability .Then love will start to flow.
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