Mindfulness; vulnerability heals, defensiveness keeps us suffering

posted in: Being yourself | 0

photo of a duck gliding on the water

Vulnerability is the key to allowing consciousness to flow in your life.Being true to our deepest self always involves opening up, the opposite of defending.

A chart comparing vulnerability to defensiveness could look something like this.

Defensiveness Vulnerability
Not wanting to acknowledge an aspect of our character that requires addressing. For example taking our emotions out on others. Preferring to lay blame elsewhere. Fully acknowledging our issues with loving acceptance and the willingness to aim to move beyond them. Not laying blame elsewhere always taking full responsibility.
Not wanting to admit we are wrong. Willingly acknowledging when we are wrong.
Not wanting to admit we don’t know something. Pretending we do know. Freely admitting what we don’t know.


Not attempting something for fear of failure or mistakes. Making small steps towards something we may like to do allowing failure and mistakes along the way.Facing fear gently
Not reaching out to others with love or to be loved for fear of rejection. A willingness to reach out, loving and being loved even though rejection will at times be a part of that.
Always pretending we are OK or have it together. The willingness to be completely truthful with ourselves. Allow our fears, inadequacies or pain with loving acceptance.Being willing to ask for support.
Not acknowledging our human ache for love or acceptance. Willingness to freely acknowledge our ache for love and acceptance and to see how that influences our behavior in the world. Are we people pleasing and losing ourselves in the process? Acknowledging this with acceptance will help us move beyond it.


Defensiveness leads to increasing suffering and lack of love, vulnerability leads to love and peace.

While we are not acknowledging our vulnerable emotions we are likely to remain controlled by them and therefore continue to suffer. Once we can regularly acknowledge and lovingly accept our challenging emotions they will no longer influence our behavior in the world.So many clients I see for psychotherapy are caught in a pattern of defensiveness that is only hurting them and those around them.Aim to notice what you are doing and start to open up gently allowing your vulnerability with absolute compassion.

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