Why we resist our own healing

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We all want to heal, at least we think we do. However the truth is, that the healing journey will require all sorts of challenges. It takes courage, it takes a willingness to look at ourselves truthfully and honestly. It takes dedication to working on old habits and patterns that need changing. Healing also requires a willingness to step into vulnerability and discomfort.

Every single one of us wants to heal, however when we are faced with the truth of what healing requires, resistance starts. We don’t want to do what it takes.

In the initial phases resistance may be about facing our more challenging emotions, our fears, our worthlessness, our pain, our “not enoughness”. However we cannot heal from what we won’t acknowledge.It is so important to be able to witness our deepest emotion with loving acceptance. It is our deepest emotions and our conditioned responses to them that keep us stuck. For example we may push away love or connection because we are scared we are not enough. Once we start to recognize our patterns with honest compassion and we start to access a more present state, we will move on from our conditioning.This is real transformation and it is beautiful.

There is an even deeper challenge. Healing is about moving from identifying with the mind and ego, to living from our deepest intuitive being. This is soul or spirit. Healing is a process of moving beyond identity. The ego will resist this at every turn. There is immense freedom though when we no longer see ourselves as a fixed bodily identity, that needs to be something in the world. Instead we discover that we are in essence spirit. As spirit we are intimately connected with everything around us. This deep connection facilitates a recognition that the essence of what we are is love and there is a growing trust in the process of life. Fear, stress or anxiety starts to disappear as we live more as an expression of awareness itself.

I access states of pure awareness regularly in meditation and at other times. It is profoundly beautiful and love is growing in my life all the time. However the journey is challenging. Even at this stage I experience regular resistance. I have to make myself meditate sometimes as I can feel the egoic identity wanting to cling on. The ongoing vulnerability of letting go sometimes makes me grumpy and there is a kind of inner requirement to stay open. Openess means defencelessness and this can be challenging.There is also a desire to be authentic in the world. Mostly I can look relatively normal in that authenticity, however sometimes I may look quite different.If I am with people for awhile they would notice me disappear off by myself, or perhaps notice I have less engagement with ongoing small talk even though I aim to remain loving. There does need to be a preparedness not to fit in sometimes.

Despite the challenges healing is hugely valuable. I have immense gratitude for the deepening love in my relationships and to life itself. I love the sense that I can trust my inner guidance at all times knowing that I am increasingly living life guided by awareness itself or God. I also experience the guidance of wiser beings who already sit in pure enlightenment. Jesus once said “I am inside you.” I experientially know this to be true. I have heard the divine wisdom of Isira, Jesus and other awakened souls as my deepest aware voice, this is very beautiful. I experience both Isira, Jesus and others as divine light when I am immersed in meditation. We are certainly not alone on this journey.

Resistance occurs for everyone. Usually it is so sneaky that you will not recognize you are resisting. You will come up with convenient excuses not to go to a retreat or see your trusted therapist. You will find ways to avoid meditating. This is all normal and all OK. However do aim to start to recognize the truth of your resistance. See it compassionately and step through it. This may be challenging but it will bring you great joy.

We are designed such that it is inevitable we will find our way home, back to awareness itself. While we remain not tuned in and not authentic we will suffer and we will keep repeating patterns that cause us pain. It is this suffering that will facilitate our deepening journey. We do not really have a choice, it’s either move forward with an open and willing heart or keep suffering.

I wish you well and much love for your personal journey. Remember there is unconditional love within and all around you, literally holding you along the way.

Much Love

Trish